Everyone hates rude smartphones users. Unbeknownst to the offended, those that use smartphones in public generally don’t want to be perceived as rude. Society is still trying to figure out what is rude and what isn’t. Until polite use is clearly defined, those who don’t want to be rude don’t know how to be polite. Therefore, we have taken it upon ourselves, as experts in mobility, to create some simple rules that everyone must follow henceforth.
1. Thou shall respect and give focus to a person you are conversing with in your presence, particularly a guest in your home or visitor in your place of business.
2. Thou shall not compose an email nor text message during a live conversation with another person in your presence. If you must, pardon yourself and (preferably) walk away.
3. Thou shall not utilize a Bluetooth or any other type of headset while looking directly into the eyes of another person.
4. Thou shall keep eyes forward when walking and not directed towards a smartphone, especially in areas with pedestrian and/or vehicular traffic.
5. Thou shall not operate a smartphone while driving. At best, you will kill yourself. At worst you will kill the innocent.
6. Thou shall not gloat over your latest and greatest smartphone purchase. Thou may be cutting edge but temper your glory with humility in the presence of the less fortunate.
7. Thou shall not ridicule the elderly for their lack of technical abilities, especially thy mother or thy father.
8. Thou shall not offend the sad choices of those who purchase smartphones running operating systems other than your own personal preference.
9. Thou shall never operate a smartphone in dark public places such as movie theaters, playhouses, etc.
10. Thou must never speak on a smartphone when others are trying to sleep nearby, such as airports, trains, etc.
11. Thou must never speak on a smartphone while standing in a queue, such as at the grocery store, drive-through restaurant, post office, bank, etc.
12. Thou must never speak on a smartphone at any place where people are trying to engage in personal conversations or expected to be quiet, such as restaurants, libraries, etc.
13. Thou shall not immediately begin speaking on your smartphone the moment your plane lands and the captain turns off the “fasten seat belt” light. Deplane, and then call your ride.
14. Thou shall keep thy phone locked to avoid pocket dialing. Also, encourage your friends to confiscate your phone if you’ve been drinking. Friends don’t let friends drunk dial.
BONUS COMMANDMENT: Never operate a smartphone at a memorial service under any circumstances, unless it is your own funeral.
Of course, it isn’t up to us whether the rest of society actually adopts our view of acceptable use. But then again, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink it. A woman was recently arrested for talking for 16 hours in the designated “quiet car” of an Amtrak train. Heed our message, if thee wishes to avoid the shame and imprisonment for mobile obnoxiousness.